A typical day in Cake’s life
It’s 3am. The Queen is suddenly hungry for biscuits. She phones Patrick at the high-end deli, Quails.
"I want 14 packs of Bahlsens and I want them now."
Driving the van is stylish young Londoner, Cake. It is not her first time in Buckingham Palace. As it is 3 am, she was startled by the call and brought along items of a personal nature. As she hands over the biscuits in the State Bedroom where the Queen has corgis sitting on her feet for extra warmth, a personal item fell into the priceless Ming vase which starts to hum and vibrate. What can our heroine do at this critical juncture?
"Oh no, your Majesty!" she says. "It appears that the poltergeist has returned!"
"Yes, it is the ghost of George III. Every morning in this room he would try and fail to button his trousers up and this sadness haunts us all. Never before has he made the furniture vibrate, though."
I am stuck in a series of situations, Cake thought, and it’s pretty stressful. What would George Clooney do? Fortunately the item had been a bit of a dodgy bargain from eBay and so the batteries usually ran out within ten minutes or so. She just had to brazen it out.